Progressive Illness

My swallow goes down tersely,

concern beckons

Lymph nodes swollen as teenage importance,

hard and unforgiving as Ann Coulter's face,

My neck was stiff yesterday as I recall

I smelled mildew when I entered the trailer;

a leak in the wall? 

Black Mold

Months-long breathing in deeply at night

my already-embattled lungs absorbing disease

Bronchogenic carcinoma? 

What's the one on the TV lawyer ad?

My heart's beating too damned fast

Can't get stressed and have a stroke

Maybe the lymphs are stress-related

Too much adrenal release

Maybe hyper-thyroid disease

Is it iodine that treats that

or is it caused by overabundance of iodine?

Did I take an aspirin today?

The cancer may be spreading while I sit here

Probably on my brain stem already

Been having headaches lately

Stiffness in joints

That cough at night may be from the toxic mold

You know the house insurance won't pay

That manufacturer didn't build this place right

I know it's going to be a battle

Should have gotten personal medical

I don't know with what?

They don't take 'good looks' as payment,

I won't have them much longer anyway.
You know all insurance does is deny you

Wait for you give up or die..why would I want that hassle?

Good doctor's too far away anyway

Nothing good in this town

Won't be long til everybody is gone

A specialist wouldn't be covered I bet

I really hate being sick

I don't want to be debilitated

There's no one to stay with me

How would I get things done?

Incapacitated, but not crippled I hope

Dying alone

No will needed; nothing to leave

Empty funeral parlor

Pine Box, unmarked grave

hmmm.

Had lots of processed food today

Maybe I just need to drink more water.

You say "Obsession" like it's a bad thing

Carefully worded, meticulously herded,
these gift-words parlay a wealth of information
as well as knowledge.

Not everyone is fortunate enough to be
considered stalk-worthy; truly it is a blessing
of some consideration.

The intent is not to perturb or disturb;
the effort to adore made in spite of your protestations,
not to spite you.

No, these adornments are not to deride and lambaste,
but in spite of upset that surely won't last..
a true friend and confidant tells of spinach on teeth,
that trouble is lurking underneath,
expects you not to bequeath
anything.

Being unpopularly criticized and misunderstood
is part of the package, the parlance, the practice
of being celibately disadvantaged
in the town of Platonica,
population-- One unwilling citizen,
awaiting.

Agape's just another word for something left to prove,
and while you worry about 'too much'
I obsess it was 'too little'...
I only have a short time to give myself away;
my truth is outspoken crazy devoted
hopeless.