Sunday, October 22, 2017

"Humanity's Desperation Bar & Grill"

A guy had been flirting with me
for a couple of weeks recently
and it felt magical superior wondrous
for it has truly been a desert
on the dating and personal relations
side of things here in nowhere-land.

It's transformative really to have
an unexpected opportunity open up
amidst the disappointment and insanity 
that so often litter the days in this world.

Let's face it New Things are exciting and
as-yet-uncomplicated and wide-open and
promising and fresh and the shot in the arm
of vitality and hope and possibility
that we suck up like a sponge
drunk on our neediness and desperation
we just plunge that needle filled with 
vague unknown potential and titillation
straight into a vein like the drug it surely is.

All of a sudden our bleak existence is
singing undiscovered notes and melodies
seeing our surroundings in a new light
believing in kismet and amore and laughter
regularly being more daring and emboldened 
restructuring perspective and worldview.

Most of us are so intensely ravaged daily
that there is a desperate unquenched need
to be desired and pursued
to be treated well and revered
to be flooded with affection like a newborn
to be given a chance lottery-winnings style
to be noticed as if a blooming flower
to be touched as we are wired to be touched.

These things which should be a given aspect
of every day existence in order to thrive
yet are relegated to reunions and parties
if ever
and yet we all feel the surge of needful longing
but there is no place to go to receive it
free from snake-oil salesmen and indoctrination
and a countless caveat of demands and concessions.

There is no bar wherein congregants have a tacit
understanding of a need to be held and stroked
and perhaps to lie in embrace for as long as is

We have constructed no shelter where the masses
might flock to console one another and 
encourage and treat one another like rock stars
call us by name show interest in our struggle
take our side in an argument
talk lovingly to us brush our hair
massage our feet offer to fix us a meal
tell us our outfit looks nice and so do we
meet our eyes with a mix of anticipation
and elatedness.

If such a place existed I would frequent it 
on the regular and I would never want to leave
and the world would be better and prisons 
would be less congested and violence would be
reduced and work performance would improve
and people would treat strangers better and
there would be less road rage and less need for
medication and health would improve.
If such a place existed.

So I decided to be bold and ask this guy out
the one who had been relentlessly flirting with
me for certain no misunderstanding and
he seemed not to hear me at first and then
he seemed not to comprehend what I was asking
and then he ignored me and
fourth strike because I am in fact desperate
although not proud of it
he appeared disgusted and horrified at 
this thing I was suggesting
the notion of spending time with me
and at the end of the day I really don't know 
why the fuck I have any interest in people
at all.


Saturday, October 14, 2017

"The Supremacy Pretension" by Robert Sayre

women's club, bible study, thrift store blues
home-maker, third wife, sorrowful hues

bridge club, tea party, d.a.r.,
fund-raiser, book club, fall bazaar

church-life, funerals, social butterfly,
pompous, out-dated, beholder's eye

'god's country,' no-man's-land, conundrum,
travel wide, never change, isolation

xenophobe, misanthrope, extremist faith,
big smile, duplicity, facile hate

manipulate, deceive, obfuscate,
syrupy, over-sell, compensate

covert, get along, good-ol'-boys,
misogyny, gay bash, religious joys

false witness, prejudice, justice ain't blind,
humble pie, charity, 'only my kind'

small pond/big fish delusion,
supremacy mind-set confusion

butt-crack heart attack, depending on the skin,
tweens display coochie while speaking on 'sin'

big trucks, no give-a-fucks, poverty,
red-state conflict, porn, STDS

birthing them babies, toeing that line,
demonized lower class, frivolous fine

cast 'em out, judgment, pious whore,
hypocrites, cock-suckers, pussy galore

old-timey, greasy-fried, die-a-bee-tees,
hush money, nepotism, family trees

con job, incest, keep things quiet,
gun play, bad cops, love of a race riot

yard dogs, porch monkey, jigaboo,
"Hillary's e-mails," light that fuse

burning crosses, hanging men, women in their place,
closet queers, down low, hide in disgrace

god's love, pretty pictures, lovely homes,
cutesy sayin's, preserves, strip that chrome

trash-talking, offense-taking, "what you say 'bout me?!?"
gossiping, bullshitting, lying through your teeth

no worries, Dream-killing, wasting away,
marking time, quicksand, keeping things the same

deep pride, never wrong, trailer park strut,
pollyanna, super-christian, secret slut

dixie flags, low standards, slow-talking drawl,
kids going hungry while you watch football

no worries, no skills, shitty personality,
'flash them titties' replaces hospitality

alcoholics, meth-heads, prescribed pills,
ailment obsession, old lady thrills

friendly front, simplicity, 'easy-as-pie,'
repressed, insincere, breathing them lies,
keeping up Appearances until you die 

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

My Hunger, Still and All, Remains

I am hard-pressed
to find words
adequate and intelligent
that can belie How
this came to be

Not able to provide
for myself,
me and mine,
to pull my weight
to maintain
let alone prosper

And I will stuff myself
indulge in treats
eat inappropriate items
and be willful against
your prying
in line behind me
driving past the food bank
seeing me enter the food stamps office

I will edit my donations box
as I see fit
because it is my right
(one of the few I seem to have left)
and I will not
eat Vienna sausages or
sloppy joes
or clumped processed cheese
I will go hungry first--
rest assured--
because standards and taste buds
have not yet been taken
and will not be relinquished...
I am still me,
and preference
is nearly all I can preserve...
it is how we persevere

My dignity is not an acceptable trade
for your pious charity

Yes, pride
is still part of my repertoire.
and there is no shame in that,
nor any apology due nor
I have yet to lose
or give away self-respect
no matter the circumstance
and still
my particularness
is not invitation
for you to judge me

Say what you will
when my back is turned,
but to my face
it is "How do, Mr. Mann, sir."

Your discards and
nearly-outdated, feel-good project
already clog my craw and innards
worry and
   humiliation and
       terror and
        yes, by lack-of-god,

How can it have come to this?
I who had so much
did so well
was held in such esteem?

Crashed and crushed
Heart-broken and abandoned
Mood-altered and weakened
Rolled over and
at this juncture,
yet not wiser...yet

They don't tell you
what can happen,
in time.
Nor teach you How
simply to Survive
nor prepare you
nor strengthen you;
but no complaints
since 'trial by fire'
is a masterful
performance inducer
I am hungry
(I hunger)
I am alone
(and deeply lonely)
I am discouraged
(I tire in my soul)
My world for the merest
of human contact
I have a void that needs filling

I cannot provide
I cannot spy
an end in sight
I worry for longevity
and plenitude
and endurance

What I want is not here
What my body needs is not here
Sustenance is barely here
and oh, what a lofty price was attached
I engage
  I engorge
   I feast
       to quell the ache

I have a void that needs filling

No more friendships
No more relations
No one tells you how
   much they take
All are the heroes
on their own stage

I have a void needs filling

This condition
which engulfs us all,
only in different manner
and course

I have a void needs filling