Stuck in the Middle With Eww!

I am to the point

    (have I been here before?)

of reduction

I am now

but reduced to...

unknown;

         simply

                    something less than...

different from

what was

No longer is there

even a point of reference

so much disappointment--

      so much of me

               dissipated

all good extracted

   boiled off

      in rages, orgasms, loving expressions

and the like

(Thumbs up!)

I watch some images

like old movies

        easy and natural,

 A smile beckons

         without prompting

....their cascade familiar enough

to draw forth longing

Once, we--

      for there were once others,

         like me, bonded together,

            storm-sheltered

               and similarity-supported,

     greater

         than our mere components...

We held sessions

     akin to salons,

speaking effortlessly of philosophy,

    hands gravitating to belt buckles

         and bra straps

              effortlessly,

                    thoughtlessly

We conjured mystery

      (where perhaps none existed)

and spoke of cosmos

   and romance

      and humanity

   as well as comics and cops and cocks

(Lest you think us highbrow

   when even at our most pretentious

       we knew that to be a lie!)

Now

   I am surrounded;

       by talk of dinner plans

        and medicine-taking

           and neighbors' comings and goings,

endless recycled unpleasantries,

    and only more of same

       to look forward to

You become the character

     of those you

          surround yourself with

(funny how close 'surround'

     and 'surrender' seem)

    

Unflatteringly enough,

      unsatisfyingly enough,

and,

    as me,

unchanging.