Interior

copyright Robert Sayre II, Georgia Unity

My Hunger, Still and All, Remains

I am hard-pressed

to find words

adequate and intelligent

that can belie How

this came to be

Not able to provide

for myself,

me and mine,

to pull my weight

to maintain

let alone prosper

And I will stuff myself

indulge in treats

eat inappropriate items

and be willful against

your prying

    judging

        patronizing

        eyes

in line behind me

driving past the food bank

seeing me enter the food stamps office

I will edit my donations box

as I see fit

because it is my right

(one of the few I seem to have left)

and I will not

eat Vienna sausages or

sloppy joes

or clumped processed cheese

or...

 

I will go hungry first--

rest assured--

because standards and taste buds

have not yet been taken

and will not be relinquished...

I am still me,

and preference

is nearly all I can preserve...

it is how we persevere

My dignity is not an acceptable trade

for your pious charity

Yes, pride

is still part of my repertoire.

and there is no shame in that,

nor any apology due nor

forthcoming

 

I have yet to lose

or give away self-respect

no matter the circumstance

and still

my particularness

is not invitation

for you to judge me

Say what you will

when my back is turned,

but to my face

it is "How do, Mr. Mann, sir."

Your discards and

nearly-outdated, feel-good project

remnants

already clog my craw and innards

alongside

worry and

   humiliation and

       terror and

        yes, by lack-of-god,

    Resentments

How can it have come to this?

I who had so much

did so well

was held in such esteem?

Crashed and crushed

Heart-broken and abandoned

Mood-altered and weakened

Rolled over and

at this juncture,

older

yet not wiser...yet

They don't tell you

what can happen,

in time.

Nor teach you How

simply to Survive

nor prepare you

nor strengthen you;

but no complaints

since 'trial by fire'

is a masterful

performance inducer

I am hungry

(I hunger)

I am alone

(and deeply lonely)

I am discouraged

(I tire in my soul)

My world for the merest

of human contact

 

I have a void that needs filling

I cannot provide

I cannot spy

an end in sight

I worry for longevity

and plenitude

and endurance

What I want is not here

What my body needs is not here

Sustenance is barely here

and oh, what a lofty price was attached

I engage

  I engorge

   I feast

       to quell the ache

I have a void that needs filling

No more friendships

No more relations

No one tells you how

   much they take

All are the heroes

on their own stage

I have a void needs filling

This condition

life

which engulfs us all,

only in different manner

and course

I have a void needs filling

Reconcile



c. Robert Sayre II, Georgia Unity, 2013