Wednesday, October 16, 2013

My Hunger, Still and All, Remains

I am hard-pressed
to find words
adequate and intelligent
that can belie How
this came to be

Not able to provide
for myself,
me and mine,
to pull my weight
to maintain
let alone prosper

And I will stuff myself
indulge in treats
eat inappropriate items
and be willful against
your prying
in line behind me
driving past the food bank
seeing me enter the food stamps office

I will edit my donations box
as I see fit
because it is my right
(one of the few I seem to have left)
and I will not
eat Vienna sausages or
sloppy joes
or clumped processed cheese
I will go hungry first--
rest assured--
because standards and taste buds
have not yet been taken
and will not be relinquished...
I am still me,
and preference
is nearly all I can preserve...
it is how we persevere

My dignity is not an acceptable trade
for your pious charity

Yes, pride
is still part of my repertoire.
and there is no shame in that,
nor any apology due nor
I have yet to lose
or give away self-respect
no matter the circumstance
and still
my particularness
is not invitation
for you to judge me

Say what you will
when my back is turned,
but to my face
it is "How do, Mr. Mann, sir."

Your discards and
nearly-outdated, feel-good project
already clog my craw and innards
worry and
   humiliation and
       terror and
        yes, by lack-of-god,

How can it have come to this?
I who had so much
did so well
was held in such esteem?

Crashed and crushed
Heart-broken and abandoned
Mood-altered and weakened
Rolled over and
at this juncture,
yet not wiser...yet

They don't tell you
what can happen,
in time.
Nor teach you How
simply to Survive
nor prepare you
nor strengthen you;
but no complaints
since 'trial by fire'
is a masterful
performance inducer
I am hungry
(I hunger)
I am alone
(and deeply lonely)
I am discouraged
(I tire in my soul)
My world for the merest
of human contact
I have a void that needs filling

I cannot provide
I cannot spy
an end in sight
I worry for longevity
and plenitude
and endurance

What I want is not here
What my body needs is not here
Sustenance is barely here
and oh, what a lofty price was attached
I engage
  I engorge
   I feast
       to quell the ache

I have a void that needs filling

No more friendships
No more relations
No one tells you how
   much they take
All are the heroes
on their own stage

I have a void needs filling

This condition
which engulfs us all,
only in different manner
and course

I have a void needs filling

No comments:

Post a Comment